grace.

Going through the grieving process, from the minute my mom called me telling me my grandma was in ICU to being a pallbearer with my cousins and rolling her casket out of the church-sobbing all the while-has been different from times other family members close to me have passed.  And I know it's because now, I am a mother.  Throughout the last month, when bad news has been relayed to me, I haven't wanted to turn to S, my own mom or dad, my siblings.  Instead, I've wanted to hold my daughter.  I found extreme comfort hugging her close to me and smelling her baby smell, crying into her shoulder.  Her smiles and giggles distracted me from the bad news that was looming, from the inevitable phone call we were all waiting for.  From the start of all of this, when grandma went into the ICU, I debated with S as to when I should fly home to be with my family--but how do you choose that exact right moment?  Do you wait until things get so critical that you might be too late?  Do you go right away, even if things look hopeful?  I finally made my decision when I realized that E was my source of comfort in this hard time; if E was comforting me, then I needed to be home to provide comfort to my mom.

Being a mom has changed my perspective on a lot of things in life, certainly.  And seeing my family during the death of my grandma has been no different.  I've realized just how important it is to me that E has a sibling to lean on during times of trouble.  I've seen how much comfort and joy an innocent child can bring to a family in a time of need.  I understand how I, as a daughter, can support and comfort my parents simply by being near them and giving a hug.

As we end 2011 and begin 2012, this year I plan on trying to embody the characteristics my grandmother exhibited every single day: unconditional love, sweetness and, true to her name, grace.

xoxo

My beloved grandmother passed away yesterday...family trumps blogging, so my apologies to the those who have comments I haven't responded to yet.  Posting will resume, well, whenever I get myself together enough to write.

xoxo

Memories, Dreams and Reflections--Summer Days

This is one of my most favorite pictures of E...taken on the 4th of July by S.  I'm not sure if it's because of her hat, her little outfit, or my sunglasses but it screams summer to me!

xoxo

Memories, Dreams and Reflections--Travel or Vacation

This summer, we went to Washington D.C. for my mother-in-law's graduation for her PhD!

xoxo

Memories, Dreams and Reflections--Spring Fever

She's going to kill me for making her take these...what means "spring" more than Easter pictures??

xoxo

Oh Christmas Tree, Oh Christmas Tree...

...how lovely are your branches!  I've been singing that song to E nonstop since we put up our tree.  She's obsessed with it.  What is it about babies and lights?!

Anyways.  We put up our tree!  We've had the same mini Charlie Brown tree for the past few years...fake fake fake, and how I wish we could get a real one but 1.) we don't have the space and 2.) I've always been paranoid our cat Matilda would climb up it and knock everything over.  So for right now, fake it is.

This year, we put our little tree on top of a shelf, far away from the grabby hands of E.  She likes to crawl over to it, pull herself up on the shelf and point to the tree and ornaments.

Alright, alright, you got me.  This picture's completely staged to look like she's helping decorate the tree.  But how cute is it?! (Note: the answer is "very.")

To get a picture of your tree glowing, like this one, use a tripod.  Then set your ISO to as low as it goes, your aperture wide open (this was at f/2.8), and a sloooow shutter speed (hence the tripod)--this had a shutter speed of 0.6 seconds.  Or you could close up the aperture to something like f/18 or higher and get that cool starburst effect from the lights, but I decided not to.  I should probably retake this one since the menorah, card and elf aren't lit up and look kind of weird...

Now on to the ornaments.  I'm a sucker for sentimental ornaments, so you won't see too many matchy matchy ones on my tree, looking all Martha Stewart.  Here are some of my faves.  All of the pictures below were shot with the same settings: ISO 100, f/1.8, ss of 0.6 seconds.

I was gifted this ornament last year at my baby shower.

I made this one the Christmas after we got married, and it might be my favorite one that we have.  It's just a clear glass ornament (surprisingly hard to find in NYC since I don't have a Michael's or Joann's nearby) filled with strips of paper rolled up.  The kicker is the paper--they're strips from our wedding invitations and Save the Dates!  I love how you can see the different colors and snippets of what they say.

Our first Christmas being married...with one of my favorite wedding pictures inside!

I love this one...on the outside, it's engraved with the word "Wishes", and on the inside it's painted purple with the words "Really Do Come True" engraved.  We used this as the ring holder for our wedding.  I love that we still have it and get to remember our wedding day each time we decorate and see our tree!

My parents got us the first Christmas ornament for E, and I just ordered  this one from The Land of Nod--I love it, except I wanted the 2011 to be on the ornament.  My friend had the good idea to cut out the 2011 from the bag and sew it on the bird, so I'll do that when I get a free second (which means it probably won't happen until we go to take down the tree!).

And some other holiday decor...

our stockings.  excuse the terrible cloning job of S and E's names...

recognize the banner we're using to display our cards?

Tell me about your tree--real or fake?  Martha Stewart or personalized all the way? What's your holiday decor like?

xoxo

#WEverb11--Appreciate, Create, Try

#9: Appreciate: In which moment did you find yourself flooded with gratitude? How will you rally around gratitude in 2012?

Flooded with gratitude...absolutely, definitely from January 15th (E's birth day) on.  I don't quite know how to thank, in particular, S, my mom, and my mother-in-law.  S was (is.) my rock the first few months after E was born when I was crazy hormonal.  My mom, well, I don't really know what to say exactly, other than you develop a whole new level of appreciation and love for your own mom once you have a baby.  And she and my mother-in-law (along with S, my dad, and my older sister) tag-teamed babysitting E when I went back to work after my maternity leave last school year.  How could I not be eternally grateful for that?!

#10: Create: Share a creative project you undertook this year (art, writing, DIY, cooking, home decoration, crafts, photography ... whatever comes to mind). How do you use your creativity to express yourself?

Um hi.  Have you seen this blog recently?  The end.

#11: Try: What 12 new things do you want to do/accomplish in 2012? 

I've found that when setting goals for myself, it helps to be as specific as possible.  So here's my way-to-specific list: 

For Me:

1. Read one book a month--I used to read all the time before E was born, and now I'm lucky if I finish a book every 3 months.  Need to kick up the reading a notch!
2. Make a new friend.
3. Call a friend just to talk at least once a month.  I rely on emailing and facebook too much.  Gotta get back to my middle school roots and use the phone.
4. Get either a manicure or pedicure (or both!) once a month...at the very least, paint my finger and toe nails myself once a month!
   
   For E:
5. Go to the Brooklyn Children's Museum with E.
6. Plan one new outing a month to go on with E to snap out of our boring routine.
7. Be pregnant again!  E needs a little sister or brother ;)
   
   For Photographer-Me:
8. Upgrade my camera to a Nikon d7000 and get a 50mm f/1.4 to go with it.
9. Start building up a professional photography portfolio and have at least one client who isn't a friend or family member (omg.  I can't believe I actually admitted that outloud.)
10. Complete, from start to finish, the "It's Your Atmosphere" photography workshop as if I were actually taking the course--this means do it within 4 weeks, spending a week on each chapter and completing all assignments.
    
    For Blogger-Me:
11. Follow through on at least 5 pinned items I've pinned on Pinterest and blog about them.
12. Reach 100 blog followers as indicated on Google Friend Connect, Google Reader, and Facebook (individually, not combined).

xoxo

Memories, Dreams and Reflections--I Was Inspired...

Today's prompt reads, "I Was Inspired... - could be a picture of your inspiration (person or thing), or inspired by..."

The obvious choice is E.  So here you go:

But let me tell you why this photo inspired me this year.  First of all, let me be straight with you--I didn't take this picture; S did.  It was (and still is) one of my all-time favorite pictures.  E looks so peaceful, it reminds me of the snuggly newborn days, Matilda's chilling in the background, E's wearing one of my favorite dresses...and the lighting and exposure is perfect (the camera was on auto...sorry, S, you just got lucky!).  But that's not why it inspired me.  It inspired be because this was the first time I saw what my camera was really capable of.  When I saw this picture on the little screen on the back of the camera, I was jealous of S for being the one who took it--after all, the camera was mine, and I was the one who was supposed to be learning how to use it.  This was the first picture where I really noticed the light, and what a difference it can make in a picture.  I wanted to learn why this picture came out so nicely, and how to do it myself, without having to keep the camera on auto.  I wanted to be in control (shocking...ok, ok, not really).

So there you have it: the picture that really gave me the photography bug.  What's inspired you this year?

xoxo

#WEverb11--Travel and Choose

#7: Travel: Where did you travel this year? What was your favorite part? If you didn't get to travel, where do you want to go next year?

We did a whole lot of traveling upstate to visit both sets of parents, and a mini-vacation to Washington DC for my mother-in-law's graduation for her PhD.  Pretty much every trip revolved around our families, and I feel so lucky that they're all so close that we can travel to see them so easily.  I told S I'd like to take a real vacation with him next year, just the two of us, since it feels like a long time since we've gone away (which is a lie, since we went to Dallas last year and our honeymoon the summer before).  But I want a real, do nothing, lay around all day type of vacation, I guess.  I don't think it will happen since we certainly don't have the extra money laying around to pay for a trip like that, but a girl can dream!

#8: Choose: What was the biggest choice you made in 2011? What caused you to choose what you chose?

The #1 top biggest choice I made this year was to stay home with E.  I'm not going to make this post into a debate about being a working mom or stay at home mom and what's better, but I will say this: deciding to stay home was the toughest choice I've made, probably ever.  In fact, even now after being home with her for almost 6 months, I'm still not sure it's the right one and think about going back to work.  I'm not cut out for keeping up with the endless cycle of cleaning/cooking/laundry, I know that for sure, but I also know that I want to be the one spending the day playing with and nurturing E.  And there are days I certainly miss the adult interaction and mental stimulation from working full-time...I'm not sure if I'll ever quite figure out what I want to do!

xoxo

It's the Holiday Season...

Well, our holiday cards have been mailed out so I'm ready to share the final product.  This was my first year sending out cards, even though this is my and S's 3rd holiday season being married, and 5th since dating!

I've talked a lot about what we were looking for in a card, and the design we ultimately settled on.  I absolutely love how they turned out!

the front of the card...excuse the blurred out names.  you get the idea!

the back.  gotta have a picture of e on her own!

And here are the photos we used:

does the sign look familiar?  i was inspired by pinterest, of course!

while i love the bokeh from the christmas lights in the background, i'm actually a little disappointed with this picture.  i didn't think to put her in a christmas outfit!  stupid.  oh well, there's always next year.

So, what do you think?  Have you done your holiday cards yet?  What do they look like?

xoxo

A Day in the Life

Since I know you're dying to know what exactly I do with myself all day (hint: it does not involve sitting on the couch watching soap operas and eating bonbons), hop on over to Kacie's blog Chasing Fireflies and check out my day in the life guest post!

xoxo

Memories, Dreams and Reflections--Friends

Love this picture...I'm the first of my friends from elementary/high school to have a baby, but three (3!!) of my friends are pregnant/had a baby this year--Madelyn was born in August, baby H was due last week but hasn't made his/her arrival yet, and baby B is due in January (maybe he'll be born on E's birthday!), making 4 babies out of a group of 6 friends in a year!  It's awesome going through becoming a mom together.  My only wish is that we all still lived in our hometown so our little ones could have lots of fun playdates!  I can't wait to see my girls when we go back home for the holidays.

1/2 of the I Town ladies, and the first little baby!  And I still can't get over how tiny and babyish E looks in this picture.  I know I say it every post, but DEAR TIME, SLOW DOWN!

xoxo

just a short post...

Look what E's been up to lately!

She tries to walk everywhere now...

She definitely gets that you wave when you say, "Bye bye!", but I don't think she gets that you say bye when you leave since she does it while sitting in her highchair eating breakfast...

xoxo